How to Encourage Mindfulness for Kids
Mindfulness is one of those rare practices that’s healthy for every single person, regardless of demographic. Young or old, male or female, rich or poor, any ethnicity or nationality, physical fitness level, or belief system: mindfulness can help you. Even the youngest people – our babies and toddlers – can benefit from exposure to the principles of mindfulness.
Benefits of Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness of your personal experiences, feelings, and reactions. It can be practiced through formal methods such as yoga or meditation or simply incorporated into our everyday thinking. People who regularly practice mindfulness have lower levels of stress, increased ability to regulate their emotions, and a greater sense of fulfillment about their lives (even five minutes of mindfulness a day can yield significant results). Studies have also shown that mindfulness-based parenting practices help improve family functioning and contribute to healthier relationships between parents and children. While many of these positive outcomes are linked to parental mindfulness, we can also lay a foundation for such habits in our youngest children to set them on a path toward lifelong healthy thinking.
Simplify your life
The first step in creating a mindful parenting approach is to clear space in your child’s life for moment-to-moment awareness. Allow them to be present with as few distractions as possible. Babies and toddlers are naturally attuned to new experiences, yet we often forget to slow down enough for them to fully engage and process what they’re learning. We overschedule and overstimulate our young children in the name of development, but this shortchanges their ability to focus meaningfully on each experience as it happens.
Too many toys or electronics distract from present moment awareness. Try to create “white space” in your family’s life by simplifying both your stuff and your schedules. Keep developmentally appropriate toys for open-ended play, such as building blocks, art supplies, and cardboard boxes, and prioritize plenty of free time during each day for unstructured play. By minimizing the number of physical distractions (i.e. other toys and clutter), kids are free to engage deeply with each activity rather than bouncing from toy to toy. Similarly, by keeping a leisurely schedule, your kids will have the time to focus on their play without being rushed out of the door every few hours.
Don’t distract with praise
Be aware of how you interact with your children as they play. In an effort to connect with our children, we often react with strong verbal praise (“Oh wow, that’s an awesome tower! You built it so tall, look how smart you are!”) While this comes from good intentions, over time it distracts our kids from their own enjoyment and turns their focus to our reactions instead. They start to look for external feedback rather than paying attention to their internal experience of play. While it’s natural to want to encourage our kids, non-directive play is incredibly valuable for developing self-confidence and creativity in children. Instead of praising, try simply observing what your child is doing and describe what you see. “You used a lot of red in this picture. That looks different from what you did over here.” rather than “That’s such a pretty picture, you did such a good job.” (For an eye-opening look at how praise affects our children’s motivation and self-esteem, I highly recommend checking out Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn.)
Model emotional awareness & acceptance
Toddlers and young children can seem completely oblivious to their internal motivations or even their physical surroundings, but it’s important to teach them self-awareness from an early age. Part of how we encourage self-awareness is by allowing our kids to be experts on their own feelings and bodies. If we are constantly interpreting their experiences for them or disagreeing with what they feel (physically or emotionally) – “You don’t need to cry about that,” “You’re not hurt, you’re fine,” “There’s nothing to be scared of” – then how can they learn to trust their own instincts? A major aspect of mindfulness is being aware of what we’re experiencing in the moment and accepting it without judgment. If our children are constantly told that what they’re feeling isn’t valid or true, it will be difficult for them to learn to accept their emotional experiences as adults.
Allow your child to experience their emotions – fully and deeply – without distracting them from the feelings. It’s certainly distressing to sit with a child who is upset or in turmoil, but cutting them off from their emotional experiences does them a disservice. We want to rescue them, but this teaches kids that big feelings are scary things they can’t handle on their own. How many adults do you know who seem to be in denial about underlying pain, sadness, or anger that drives their actions? Just as mindfulness teaches adults how to sit with and accept difficult emotions, we can model this for our children and provide opportunities for them to learn this skill at an early age.
Respect their bodily autonomy
Additionally, being mindful means being grounded in your physical experiences. Because we’re immersed in round-the-clock caregiving for babies, we often forget to keep them informed of what’s happening to their bodies. Infants may seem unaware, but they still deserve the consideration of being told what’s going on and why. This could start with something as simple as, “I’m going to change your diaper now. First, I’m going to take off your wet diaper, then I’ll wipe your bottom, which might feel a little cold. Then I’ll put a dry diaper on you.” As adults, we appreciate being informed when things are happening to our bodies (“I’m going to take your blood now, first you’ll feel me prep the area then you’ll feel a little stick”), and our babies deserve the same respect from us. As they get older, children need to have more autonomy and choice about their bodies as well. We can encourage this by respecting when they say “no” to something (such as giving hugs or kisses), allowing them to make decisions about physical situations (“would you like to be carried or walk by yourself?”), and respecting their space and autonomy when possible. By practicing these habits in our parenting, we can teach our children to be aware of and in control of their bodily experiences from the beginning.
Mindful Parents, Mindful Kids
The main way that we can set our children on a path to mindful living is by practicing mindfulness ourselves. Lower stress levels, the ability to control our emotional responses, and being able to live more fully in the present moment: couldn’t we all use a little more of this in our parenting?
In a society filled with anxiety, busyness, and FOMO, one of the most important skills we can teach our children is how to be content in the moment. By setting a foundation for self-awareness and acceptance at the beginning of their emotional development, we are setting our children up for a more peaceful, fulfilled life. That’s a goal that can benefit everyone – just like mindfulness itself.
