Take a deep breath…

I know we’ve all heard that when you’re feeling stressed, angry, or overwhelmed, you should take a few deep breaths. When I’m talking to my clients who are struggling with overstimulation and reactivity, I often give the same advice, and I can almost feel them suppressing an eye roll. 

“Gee thanks, I’m glad I’m paying you to tell me to breathe.”

I totally get it - it sounds stupidly simple and like it couldn’t possibly help. I felt the same way until I learned about the actual neuroscience behind it. 

There are two parts to our nervous system - the parasympathetic system and the sympathetic system. The sympathetic part is like our inner alarm system. When we get stressed or angry or feel “threatened” (either physically, emotionally, or psychologically), the sympathetic system flips on and pumps stress hormones into our bodies. It’s like our body starts blaring “ALERT ALERT! DANGER!” This is the system responsible for the fight/flight/freeze response, which causes us to shut down or lash out to defend ourselves. 

The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is our calm/restore system. It shuts off the flood of cortisol and adrenaline, slows down our heart rate, and tells the body that it can relax. Wouldn’t it be great if we could somehow activate this system when we’re in a state of stress?

Take a breath.

One of the simplest ways to activate the PNS is to take a slow, deep breath. There is a large bundle of nerves that runs from the brain to the intestines called the vagus nerve, which is basically the “on” switch for the PNS. When you take a long, deep breath (particularly focused on a slow out-breath) it activates the vagus nerve, which in turn brings the PNS online. Deep breathing also signals to our body that we aren’t in danger. If we’re able to actually release some tension in our muscles and slow down our breathing, we’re directly counteracting the messages from the sympathetic nervous system. It’s hard to stay in a “RED ALERT!” zone when your muscles are relaxed and you’re breathing deeply. 

If you want to try this out, it’s best to practice when you’re already calm. If we build the muscle memory when we’re relaxed, it’s much easier to recall and activate when we’re upset. Close your eyes or focus loosely on a space in front of you, and breathe in deeply and slowly through your nose (count to 5). Then breathe slowly out through your mouth, slightly longer than your in-breath. Pretend that you’re holding a straw between your lips to focus the breath further. Dr. Becky Kennedy calls this technique “hot cocoa breathing” (imagine smelling a warm cup of cocoa while you breathe in, then gently blowing the top to cool it off when you breathe out). My kids love this image and will even pretend to hold a mug of cocoa while they breathe. 

Again, practicing this every day will make it much more useful when you’re in that emergency state, plus it’s a good way to tune into your body and enjoy a moment of relaxation. 

Happy breathing!